I’m all for honesty. Though I’ve been guilty of withholding the truth before, it always comes out. I have a compulsive need to bare everything to the person I’m with including uncertainties about the relationship.
But something about his statements is rubbing me the wrong way… if they haven’t talked about stuff like this before, it has no context and I would definitely consider him insensitive or at least very naive to express feelings like that in such an offhand way.
It’s not like he’s saying “I’m conflicted. I love you and I don’t want our relationship to end, but sometimes I experience feelings toward other people. Let’s talk about it.” Instead it doesn’t sound like he’s really interested in her input at all. He’s already thought about it himself and come to his own conclusions. The reassurances he gave her after the fact sound more like patting himself on the back.
Disagree strongly. Sharing is not a virtue unto itself. Being “open” when the one and only purpose is to cause harm and disharmony is an unmitigated evil. Causing harm for 0 benefit is causing harm, even if its the truth.
Not to mention is wording/approach was intentionally hurtful/incendiary.
My first gut feelings totally agree with you guys. I don’t understand why he would think it is OK to do all the things they did – hang out outside of work environment so much. And while I appreciate the honesty, I think maybe the disappointment part is something you share with buddies, not necessarily SO. However open and honest the relationship may be.
There is no way for them to be together. She now has a long term live in bf herself, and they live in another country other than the US. What happened between them was more than 10 years ago, and it was a very short flame. Even though they see each other here and there over the years, this is the first time in more than 10 years that they actually got to spend time like this.
He said she is just being a good friend. That’s all. I, on the other hand, have doubts. They had maybe a little too much fun and his feelings are very concerning to me. I also genuinely believe that he loves me and don’t want our relationship to end. (I hope I am not wrong as some of you are saying maybe he is being a gigantic jerk to force me to end things.) But the conclusion is, they did not do anything wrong and he focuses on the part that “nothing happened”. So I have no idea how to process this.
I talked to my friends about this. Male friends would say “well he didn’t cheat on you.” And female friends would say “what an insensitive jerk.” Very conflicted all over the place.